what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
