My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
