Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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