i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
