Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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