He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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