Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish you could order shots online.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
