let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your penis caused this!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
