i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
