I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
