Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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