dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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