Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
