Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
