I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
