I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I came so hard my ears popped.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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