It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
