this beer tastes like vomit already
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
