My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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