Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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