Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
