she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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