I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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