I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
