Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
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