fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
