I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
