I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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