my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
