At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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