You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
