Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
