meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
