so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
