ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
