you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
