You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i drank out of a bidet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
