if i can run in heels then i can drive
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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