The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
