It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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