Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
