I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
