guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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