I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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