The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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