If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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