so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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