she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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