i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
