New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
