Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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