he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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