Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
