About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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